Therapeutic parenting is a significant topic of discussion during the training.
For me, the purpose of this is to help me to understand them, as well as to build that bond with them in a constructive, nurturing way. Whilst that can sound like it’s more for the child/ren, it’s very much for all of us.
When people talk about therapeutic parenting, they often talk about the PACE model of parenting. PACE is a recognised as a model of care which helps support and form secure attachments with children and young people who may have experienced difficulties in early life. PACE stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy. (What Is PACE Parenting? | Compass Fostering)
So, what might this mean for me and my future parenting? (I was asked back in stage two)
I will be looking to consciously parent in a therapeutic way, I feel that this is quite true to my values and helps me to ensure that I’ll be giving them the best environment to help support their development. I’m naturally caring and playful and feel this will help them to be able to reconnect if they are struggling with a situation, including if upset or angry. That might be by giving them lots of cuddles, by turning something into a game or grabbing the nearest toy and making up a silly story helping them to be able to engage with it as they go. (Playfulness)
As I’m showing them that acceptance and helping them step out of their headspace, I’ll be able to play through options of what may have prompted some of their behaviours. I quite like the ‘I wonder if…’ approach that I’ve come across through a few of the resources. It really feels like it's pulling out that curiosity to and feels this helps them to identify and learn. It allows me to show empathy for how they might be feeling and help them to make that connection & name the need that they may have been responding to, e.g. if they are worried about school, feeling overwhelmed, or if a location or person was reminiscent of when they felt unsafe. I look at what children are trying to explore, communicate or process in their behaviours, so by sharing these thoughts with them this can help them recognise that.
I will also need to show consistency,
in routines, boundaries and relatable, natural consequences. Consequences
might be ‘time in’ to spend time with me to help them to have the time to
recuperate/re-regulate, or not being able to play with a toy after breaking it.
With respect to routine and limiting the feeling of
surprise, this might mean for a holiday I’d look up a video tour of the
location we’d be going to, details of travel methods (& travel
games/activities) we might have and having a prominent calendar showing when we
were going and how long for, showing the return plans as well to help them see
that they would still be coming back to our home. For a shorter trip or a visit
from someone special, it might mean judging the right advance timing to allow
them to process the idea, but without feeling it was ‘sprung’ upon them. Day to
day, having the prominent calendar showing their activities and meals. Enabling
conscious changes to bedtimes as they grow, but being open about the reasoning
for those changes and still showing that in a defined way.
Related reading: The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions (Therapeutic Parenting Books): Amazon.co.uk: Sarah Naish: 9781785923760: Books
SPACE Factsheet five - healthy relationships RP (headstartkernow.org.uk)
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