Contact - why?

I'll preface this by not everyone is lucky enough to have the option of contact - either from safeguarding, capability, circumstances or simply whether they are still in touch with the social workers or anyone else to be able to.

In our case, it is an option, albeit with some hard safeguarding back and forths.

 It's been interesting being involved in some conversations with friends, family and colleagues about perceptions and the idea of meeting directly. With little one's bio family.. Honestly, it's an idea many have struggled with. So here's the logic on my mind...

Little one has and will have, questions. Different ones at different stages of life, but even in nursery and reception there are discussions about types of families and some generic traits. I mentioned when I had my own first meeting with her bio family members, I asked if they could roll their tongue...

Now, I could leave it and she could then reach the age of social media, in all likelihood at a difficult hormonal stage in life, go searching for them in secret and reach out and be told whichever stories..

Or we can start this work now, putting her in the best and most secure position I can to be comfortable with what she can about them. 

I don't romanticise things, but I don't dwell on the challenges either. It's a delicate line and I'm sure I'll get it wrong somewhere, but I try. 

In her case, again I know not everyone's, there is not a question over whether she was and is loved by them. Love and capability/capacity are not the same thing is a phrase that sticks with me here.

Meeting with them gives the opportunity if/when she wants to ask her own questions. To understand her heritage and her genetics and challenges & excitements that they may have had at similar ages.

At this age, whilst little one is still pretty young, it's To have her own connections still.  To change the nature of that relationship but still give an opportunity to preserve something from it. 

It's not easy, but it's not easy ground, so it's just trying to navigate and listen to her, whilst reassuring her that she is still coming home with me as her forever family.

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The official literature version -

Why Greater Contact Might Be Preferred:

• Child's Identity and Understanding of Origins:

  Maintaining contact with birth relatives can help children understand their heritage and history, which is important for their psychological well-being and development.
• Benefits for Birth Families:

  For birth parents, greater contact can offer a sense of closure and continued involvement in the child's life.
• Potential for a Positive Relationship:

  A well-planned contact arrangement can foster a positive and supportive relationship between the birth family, the adoptive family, and the child.
• Support for the Child:

  Contact can provide the child with a sense of security and connection to their biological family, which can be particularly beneficial during challenging times. 

Factors to Consider:

• Child's Best Interests:

  The child's needs and preferences are always paramount, and any contact arrangements must be in line with what is best for them.
• Safety and Well-being:

  Safety is a crucial consideration, and any contact arrangements must ensure that the child is not exposed to any risks.
• Birth Family's Preferences:

  The birth family's wishes and capabilities must be respected, and they should be involved in planning any contact arrangements.
• Legal and Practical Issues:

  Contact arrangements must comply with legal requirements and practical considerations, such as travel distances and scheduling.