Trauma and tips for family & friends

Kids who are up for adoption have generally been through trauma - it may be varying levels, or from various causes. As a result, It is fairly usual for adoptive children to act younger than their actual age and i would need to respond to the age they show. This might vary through a day, but i need to allow for that regression so that they can feel that safe space.

It also means that i am unlikely to parent in the same way as others (and differently to how i might have been when looking after other kids). I'll share more about this later on this site.

Going through the training means I'll get a lot of insight into the types of trauma. I am unlikely to share the full details of the trauma of the child/ren i adopt, but i may share some insights for behaviours that you'll see.

how family and friends - stepbystep (first4adoption.org.uk)

It Takes a Village - 8 simple ways to support your friend's adoption | Austin Family Magazine

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little jumps

Little one is about to be 4... This means I'll be on some manic birthday planning after this. Figured I'm normally writing about the process, so today I'll share the latest for little one. She's also been going through a development jump. She's (successfully ) dressing herself without me and her writing is getting much clearer. She's exploring humour (ok, her jokes are mainly funny for the absurdity at this point). A month ago, if you asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, the answer was 'big'. Now, she's saying a doctor or an astronaut (depending on when in you ask). A lovely vtec laptop was gifted by friends a while ago and it seemed like time to let her explore it last week... Two days later, she was typing out her own name! Considering we were initially talking about what delays there may be for her language and speech, this is an extra achievement :) She had been still going to bed with a milk bottle until recently. This had moved to wat...

Direct Contact prep resources

I have mostly used online resources and remembered bits I've looked at previously, but will include other resources that I've been recommended in the below so that you can pull whatever is helpful for you! A lot of the first ones are aimed at social workers, but still have been really useful. Not least of all, because although this is something with a lot more push than it used to have, in my case, I've found they're no more resourced and haven't necessarily had a lot of focus (training) time for this. Online resources I've pulled from: Good practice guide - Contact-PG_E.pdf Staying Connected: the views of looked after children and young people on their contact arrangements - Coram Voice Supporting evidence-informed practice with children and families, young people and adults | Research in Practice Contact: making good decisions for children in public law: Frontline Briefing (2024) | Research in Practice Staying in touch: Contact after adoption | Research...

Schools

I've just finished reading ' No Matter What ' by Sally Donovan. Sally's books have been recommended wherever the topic of adoption has come up, which says something in itself. This book is her story - what led her and her partner to look at adoption and the challenges that they experienced in the years that followed. One of the topics covered at a later part of the book is schooling. Interestingly, her experiences seem quite aligned with what Adoption Adventures described - sadly in both cases a child ended up having to move school because the initial school did not have an understanding of the effects of early trauma and that they might have to think about their strategies to help their behaviour. They also noted that it's not unusual for the behaviours to lead to a misdiagnosis of ADHD. Both mentioned that when the children had experienced that lack of safety then changes in the room that they couldn't see could leave them really unsettled. One thing advised ...

Sing in the rain

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