Skip to main content

Contact - settling in letter

I had made a lot of notes about things i wanted to consider for letterbox contact (see Contact: Letterbox and Voices of birth parents), but it was still hard to work out what to include and how to do it.

I was able to share how she was settling in (well, thankfully!), some activities she'd started to enjoy and i asked Little one (LO) for some favourites (colour, animal, tv show, activities, number....) I included some handprints so they had something that LO had touched directly and that gave them something specific from her.

I also mentioned talking about birth family with LO, so that they knew she still knew about them. This also gave a good way in to asking a couple of questions, including whether they were able to share any photos that i could show LO - of them together or LO as a baby.

I didn't get a specific reply back to the settling in letters (multiple family members) and am not sure they were given the chance to, however, they did send some additional photos via the social worker, so that was quite significant. As well as putting these in a physical album, i also put these in a (private) online album so that i could quickly bring them up if in conversation with LO and they requested it/ it felt appropriate. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

thanks.... it's the trauma

"What a really well behaved little one ..." is a frequent comment about my little one. Sometimes this is meant in a nice way, sometimes this is means that the speaker is feeling overwhelmed/judged for the fact their little one(s) have more typical reactions to instructions at this age. Unfortunately, this is one where nothing you say can help them to feel better. The truth is 'thanks.... it's the trauma', but that's not really the sensible thing to share. What does it look like?   - Doing what she's told  - not showing when she is angry / upset openly at the time (then reacting later/looking for me to recognise it*)  - sitting and waiting quietly when others might be jumping about  - saying "I'm sorry" when something is not their fault  - ... and more (that i'll need to add to later!) *What this means is that i find my own social battery running down much quicker than i was previously used to, because i use a lot of my energy looking for ...

Useful information for Friends and Family

Have had some questions around this, so thought worth sharing this  https://info.adoptmatch.com/words-matter-adoption-terminology I've tried to bring together the resources I could find for friends and family. I've put the ones i think are probably top of the list starred and in bold blue to help you work out which are probably easiest/best ones to take a look at. * How family and friends can support new adopters - stepbystep (first4adoption.org.uk)  ( 2 A4 pages - above ) * 10 Things Adoptive Parents Wish Their Friends And Family Understood | HuffPost UK Parents (huffingtonpost.co.uk)  - Short article * Before I Arrive (paperback edition) by Helen Townsend | Adoption UK Charity  - excellent small book that i ended up getting a couple of copies for to share with different friends and family.  Adoption uk factsheet 12 - supporting prospective adopters with a new placement june 2013.pdf (www.nhs.uk) Ten Tips for Supporting Your Family and Friends in Adoptive F...

Shortlisting Interview experience

Apparently the social worker and family finder interviews were not previously so frequent (though not unusual). With the changes covid has brought though, the number of potential adopters has dramatically increased and now outnumbers the number of children seeking families (for the first time I believe)! So, I have been through two of these interviews now. Both lasted about three hours, though that's probably as much a reflection on the number of questions I had for them as anything else!  This isn't just a process for them, it is also for me to check this is the right match for me. They are looking at me and my home/ surroundings to understand the full picture.  By this point, they've already seen my full PAR (Potential Adopter Report) and they've sent over the children's CPR (Child Permanence Report) and we've both decided to go ahead.  My process (for what it's worth) was to fully read through the CPR in full, then to go back through making a note of any ...