Sing in the rain

An adoptive child's emotional intelligence could have been 'helped' or hindered by their earlier lives and what they've been though since. For my little one, she is highly tuned into her emotions and into naming those feelings. We have a couple of books about feelings that are easily accessible to her and she will occasionally specifically ask for one or pick it out. The most recent example of this was after meeting up with her foster mother, foster brother and the new baby that they are now fostering. When meeting the baby, my Little One did very well on looking out for her for the day. On returning home however, within an hour she asked for the feelings book and dug through it to find a particular picture (below) "This me!" She said. "Mine!!!"  A bit of a chat followed to confirm and then talk through processing for how jealous she was feeling of the baby being with her foster family and of having to share them with the baby...

Sometimes it's difficult to explain the little things that catch you out when you're an adoptive parent. One happened the other day, which I thought was worth a share. We're starting to get out and socialise more now.  The other day little one wanted to revisit a particular park. One of my workmate's lives right by said  park, so pinged to say hello if about  Introduced (Bob*) to little one and had good playtime He left and she turns to me and says "that mummy's daddy!!" Brain cogs whirring...... What?!? Oh right, foster dad's real name is also (Bob) which we've been trying to get her to call him by. Cue interesting conversation with some clarifications for her!! I originally told a friend about this that evening and had an accidental but appropriate typo - Typing "faux pa" instead of "Faux Pas"... You get to have it as the title on purpose. (*Bob isn't the real name)

Apply for a Magical Day Out (merlinsmagicwand.org)  - relevant for those in foster care or recently adopted... "We  deliver a programme that supports children making wishes for Merlin attractions such as LEGOLAND ® , Madame Tussauds and SEA LIFE Aquariums – it’s called Magical Days Out. A single gifted day out for children to visit the local Merlin attraction of their choice.   Magical Days Out are not just for terminally ill children, but for lots of children who are facing challenging circumstances. They can be applied for by   parents, guardians or organisations and allow families to visit their chosen Merlin attraction for free. We provide our Magical Days Out to children who need them most, and our eligibility criteria includes children facing many types of adversity as well as those facing an illness or a disability." ... Magic On Tour does what it says on the tin (literally). We pack some of the magic and fun of a Merlin attraction into a minibus, a train, or ...

  One of the most useful webinars i've joined in the adoption prep journey, was one when i was early on in stage one, back in October'21. " Voices of birth parents: Loss, hope and change " It was run in National Adoption Week by PAC-UK and a Family rights group, who support birth families, whilst also influencing policy and practice. I'll share some takeaways from it, but actually, i've just found the original video is still online, so you can watch it yourself if you like -  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imoR8-865IM   It shared some birth parents' experiences and asked questions like 'what things did you hold on to to remind you of your child', 'how do you manage birthdays and special days' and ' what worked best for contact. 12 comments I specifically noted:  Contact work best when all prepared in advance and everyone feels listened to and respected" . The venue of these meetings is also really important - birth parents prefer ...

 I previously posted  Schools (alwayssingintherain.blogspot.com)  from some pre-panel reading, I thought it might be useful to share some of the questions/areas i asked about at the school open days... School questions I asked: knowledge of Thrive Approach / Attachment aware ( https://www.attachmentleadnetwork.net/what-is-an-attachment-aware-school.php ) or equivalent Any trauma or attachment training their teachers may have had,  Their disciplinary/reward mechanisms  what they use the pupil premium plus funding for (albeit probably more privately for that one.) If you have any particular thoughts on things  Class size  just try to get an idea of the spectrum of pupils they already support a– do they have experience of  looked after and adopted children, and children that require extra support Phased start to the year? If so, what does this look like? Breakfast club/ after school club - availability & what that involved? Holiday club(s) and o...

 Not an adoption specific one, but the phrase "sometimes you can really hear the chocolate cake" came to mind for the banshee that is created a short time after almost any chocolate has been consumed (particularly afternoon / evening)

"What a really well behaved little one ..." is a frequent comment about my little one. Sometimes this is meant in a nice way, sometimes this is means that the speaker is feeling overwhelmed/judged for the fact their little one(s) have more typical reactions to instructions at this age. Unfortunately, this is one where nothing you say can help them to feel better. The truth is 'thanks.... it's the trauma', but that's not really the sensible thing to share. What does it look like?   - Doing what she's told  - not showing when she is angry / upset openly at the time (then reacting later/looking for me to recognise it*)  - sitting and waiting quietly when others might be jumping about  - saying "I'm sorry" when something is not their fault  - ... and more (that i'll need to add to later!) *What this means is that i find my own social battery running down much quicker than i was previously used to, because i use a lot of my energy looking for ...